Bad Time to Fart

This is the story of Erica and I's past life. See in fact we were born in different countries.


Erica (who was actually a african man named Eundabe) was born in a small African tribe in a remote northern village. He was the son of the village shaman, but rejected his father's teachings and prefered to follow the village comedian around recieving many hours of training in the arts of providing laughter. The only problem with Eundabe's training was that he could not hold his laughter in. It became a nuisance after a time and eventually it proved his downfall. During the Chief's daughter's wedding to a rival villages head warrior, Eundabe happened to overhear a funny comment and unable to control his laughter he unintentionally created an intervillage battle. Luckily for him he also had learned at an early age the art of hiding from various bullies, animals, and chores. When the battle was ended and the dust had settled Eundabe found that his entire village had been annihilated and when he wasn't looking he was caputred and sold into slavery. The family he was sold to treated him well, but they did not understand his sense of humor, so when the call for soldiers came the family was more than happy to hand Eundabe over to the army. He was thrown in to a troop filled with those who did not quite fit in with the others.  Unfortunately the troop's training was very minimal since the trainers could not stand their awkwardness for very long, so at their first skirmish they failed to win and Eundabe had to rely on his ability to hide once again....

Nadia (an Englishman named Nicodemus Waddlesworth) was born in a sunny (well as sunny as it gets for England) English village to a salt merchant and his wife. Nico (as his mother so affectionately called him) grew up learning all about salt, even though he had a great disliking of the stuff (although the current Nadia LOVES salt). His fathe,r seeing Nicodemus would be useless in the salt business (You gotta love what you sell), forced Nicodemus to enlist in the army as soon as he was able to. Unfortunately after years of living surrounded by salt, poor Nicodemus always smelt heavily of salt, so he was thrown into the troop of misfits. He had never had a will to hurt anyone and he was somewhat afraid of conflict, so when the battle commenced he ultimately lied down and started at his pretending to be dead...

This is an account of Eundabe and Nicodemus' last moments....




no one knows for sure what happened to the two after they were found for no bodies were recovered. To this day there is speculation as to whether or not they were killed.

Francios and Pierre

Nadia and I know the story about the criminal Alvidrez family running away from Spain to good old Mexico and eventually the United States. We also know about the Furman family leaving Ukraine for Argentina also winding up in the U.S. But one piece of family legacy that has left us often times perplexed is how the Alderman's came to be.

By breifly viewing a family tree, (which dates back to Constantine the Great, or was it Charlemagne?) I made an educated decision that our first Alderman ancestor's where two French-Brittish brothers, working as fur trappers in Louisiana. They probably looked something like this:

For entertainment purposes I have decided to tell the purely fictional tale of these fine examples of our French and Brittish ancestors.

It all began in 1730 when Pierre Alderman was brought into this earth. He was followed shortly after in 1731 by his younger brother Francios. They also had some sisters, but because it was 1730, women didn't matter. They lived a normal life in London. Thier father was a wealthy English merchant and thier mother was his French love slave. The boy's mother died when she was accidently pushed down the stairs after it was known that she didn't actually speak english. The boys were raised by nannies and sent off to boarding school as soon as they were able.

The boys returned from school full grown men in 1748. They worked in thier father's shop and managed the selling and trading of goods. Thier father died in 1750 of Syphillus (damn those french love slaves) and the boys inhereted the shop. However, being half french, and considering the growing friction between England and France at the time, the boys quickly lost business. Deciding to quit while they were ahead, the boys took a ship to the Americas (not yet known as the United States) and headed toward the french territory in Louisiana. They became trappers and worked with the local Native Americans in a peaceful way so they they could exploit them without killing them, therefore making powerful allies.

1754: French and Indian war. Needless to say, Francios and Pierre, being partly French, surrendered automatically and waited for the war to be over. No story here. After the war they continued thier business as normal.

1775: The dawn of a new era. The Colonist began revolting againts the British scum who dare tax thier tea and tobacco! Francois and Pierre find themselves in French territory sitting back in thier lawn chairs and sleeveless waistcoats laughing at how stupid the colonists are. Surely they will get defeated. Wait, the french are allying with the Colonist? What is this? Are we actually going to have to fight? Ooooh, they are sending boats, nevermind, we're good. Francois and Pierre escape actual fighting yet again. Grabbed themselves a beer and enjoyed the show. (Spoiler alert: The colonists won)

1803: Louisiana Purchase. The brothers find themselves in quite the connundrum. Louisiana now belongs to the Americans. The Americans will not permit these Frenglish men to continue to work in the U.S. with out citizenship or a green card. One night The brothers sat outside thier teepee and discussed thier options. It probably went something like this:

Francois: So, Pierre my brother, It has been a good run here the Americas, but I think its time we consider other options.

Pierre: Its the United States now, remember?

Francois: Yes, yes. The way I see it, we have two options.
1) Become Citizens
Or
2) Go to France

Pierre: But Francios, Napoleon is in power. You KNOW I hate short people and I'd rather die than become and American pig. *spits*

Francois: *spits* Well, we could always go to Canada.

Pierre: American?

Francios: Agreed.

The next day the brother traveled to thier nearest government office and started the long painful process of becoming an American citizen.

Three years later, with a new citizenship and an even newer sense of patriotism, The brothers decided to open up a Guns and Ammo store in Alabama. They hired on a few slaves to help with the shop and all was well. Business thrived for nearly 60 years before the brothers were faced with a new dilema. Lincoln was president and tensions were stirring between North and South. Talk of war was running rampant throughout the country. Francios and Pierre were just begining to notice thier differences of character.

Pierre, being much the conservative southerner believed slaves were slaves and anyone who thought differently could go to hell. Francios, the younger of the two, was more liberal and even took on one if his own slaves as a wife. This caused problems for the brothers. Eventually they decided to sell thier Guns and Ammo store and split the earnings. They bought houses across the way from each other and could be found sitting on the porch with shotguns in thier laps heckling each other from the safety of thier homes.

Francios: You never support anything I do!

Pierre: It ain't my fault you married a ****** !

Francios: Yea, Well Jefferson did it!

1861: The Civil War. Francios and Pierre are getting a little gray around the ears and decide to sit this one out...again. However thier sons were not so lazy. Francios's son fought for the North and Pierre's for the South.

One aweful day the postman brought the brothers a letter. Thier sons had been killed in battle...by each other. They felt an anguish so deep it could make Chuck Norris cry(if Chuck Norris had tear ducts that is). Not being able to see each other without seeing thier dead sons, Francois moved up North with his brood of mixed race children (cuz apparently the Northerners were into that) and were never heard from again. Pierre remained in Alabama and lives there to this day.

And that my friends is the story of our Great Great whomever they are. Can you see the resemblance?

Long live the Frenglish!

*Disclaimer: None of the above actually happened except for the fact that there were once two brothers named Francios and Pierre. XP

Yes Yes Yes

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while but I am working on a totally epic story for this blog, it rivals my christmas Disaster. Be patient, it's worth it.

ERIIIIIIIIICA!

My sister is a totally slacker and doesn't even get on here anymore to write

*Big dramatic sigh*

Seriously child just because you are in Switzerland/ France DOES NOT MEAN you can just not get on here and blog....one sided is blogging is what my other blog is for.

On another note I decided to share this delightful little story with you all.

*ahem*

I WAS ALMOST KILLED BY A LIZARD! Yeah true story...I heard this weird noise from downstairs so I went to check it out and there was one of our cats sitting there by two lizards. One was obviously dead and the other I couln't tell so naturally I did what had to be done...i got down to eye level with it and started pokin...g the lizard.


...imagine my surprise when the thing decides it is alive and charges straight for my face!!!! I screamed like the little girl I am, jumped up from the ground and bolted up two flights of stairs to jump on my bed and all the while still screaming. I was genuinely afraid of this lizard that is about an inch long. O_O
 
Other than that life is good. I am going to be possibly going to school for Dental Assisting since I am like freakishly obsessed with teeth. Yeah pretty sure I am weird but whatever.
 
Anyways life is life and life is good!

JEALOUS!

Okay so my friends had a sleepover up in Utah and guess who dropped of a package for them?!

MORMON BACHELOR PAD!

GAH!!!!

Seriously next time I think I am going to haul ace up there and party with them in hopes of seeing Calvin and Jake because really I have a crush on them. Even if there it was just NCMO I would totally be all for it hahaha. I do think though that I wouldn't be rated very high on their scale looks wise or anything, but who really cares when it is an NCMO???